Nostos- algos

“I'd trade all my tomorrows for one single yesterday.” 
― Kris Kristofferson

we are so busy making a life that we forget about moments.

what would I not do- to re-live  a moment in time for that familiar aroma in the air of coming to home cooked food at my grandma's, the smell of roasted spices wafting through the house,

throwing those heavy bags from school, those homework pressures, the arguments, the teachers warning all that left at the door, into her warm embrace just had to do it.

those friends oh good god! Always in the midst of trouble." Mischief" was the middle name of me and my 2 accomplices and to those who would dare to join in and take the blame was "warning.. the minute the bell rings for another period, the class monitor would march to the black board and chalk out our names with an "evil grin" on her face

Everything from misplacing stuff needed for that class to bunking to White lying our way through the class period. 

"Outstanding" was not really in our report cards but we actually gave true meaning to that word.

those assembly times all of us trying to form a line nearer to the one tree we had in our school ground so we could shade ourselves from the sun.

The songs we used to listen that gave me a rush, the first crush, the yearning to grow up, those evening chai and baban's vada pav, 

Looking over the balcony into the horizon dwelling on those long gone moments, becoming moist eyed brings me the greatest comfort - warms the soul.

 

If someone told me to stop growing fast and just live for those moments cause they would never ever come back.. 

I would and I would not be afraid to make a few more crazy ones.

From this moment on.....

Ugly

there it goes again

the ugly monsters of negativity pride ego insecurity showing their ugly head again in all these things

dont know how to behave normal

i am stupidly insane for what i did and what i want

honestly i dont even care what others think about

but y should i ?

why should i ?

really whats this think about being soooo busy that u dont have time to meet

really

whats this ?

is this how it is..

after endless battle thoughts with myself of giving up

i want to give up

i have to give up

i am myself no more

thats ok

BE KIND TO YOURSELF

you are good

you also are trying

not everything is your fault

switching ur mobile off will not change anything

and neither changing it will

so let go and keep going

 

 

dwell but not for too long

its ok

forgive yourself

dont be hard on urself

after all

look at the journey u have made till now

 

i am sorry my love

i am sorry for imposing

you know it happens

when someone waits

for no one

 

 

remember running away

nope

i am not this time.

i am not

 

 

Over again.

Another day another relationship is over

No I did not keep my hopes high

But yes I did place a hope on this one

Knowing to take it slow 

Knowing to to keep it

Forever 

Maybe 

Or for the long run

Again maybe

It's not happened 

Cause I screwed up 

I messed up for speaking my mind

I am actually thinking 

Wait a minute here! 

I am not one of those annoying cry baby girls

I do my head on my shoulders 

Then 

What's lacking?

Maybe I am not that

Maybe I am not this 

What is it?

Questions 

Sorry

Apologies for speaking my mind in a subtle way 

Well I am packing my temporary things which I unpacked to leave 

The story goes on and in again

I can only say that ok" no more

Nothing more

Maybe I truly don't know the meaning of life or people

Maybe I truly don't 

Left

I have left 

Left all that I could 

Or that I think I have

No time for this play now

Been there, done that 

But still everything plays itself 

Over and over

Like a stuck up disc

That one loves to hear 

But wants to get rid of it anyways

hey my love,

 

I guess you are going away from me for good

this time- our time has come to part

played well- our parts

acted out, looked out and cared

but now its no longer there

 

I wish u nothing but the best

more than I could even wish for

more than I could ever imagine

the same way you blessed me

the same way you held me

the same way you protected me

everything remains unforgotten

I am too weak to hold

too strong to let go

a battle not won

but a love is lost




-momo-

Missing me

I stand in the midst of a life party

Where there is nothing but noise of laughter and joy

Cheering and shouting

Love and hugs

They make laugh

They make me smile

They make me forget my loneliness 

They make me forget you

It's bliss for a moment 

Just to get lost to empty weightless thoughts

To feel free of the burden 

I close my eyes and point upwards to the sky

Where I stand along the crowd

Waiting 

Wishing for you to hold me 

That hands where I felt safe from the world

That love that made me who I am

Those words whispered 

Which made me alive

I miss me

What i used to be

When I was with u

Was it too hard to hold on just a little more? 

To go away too soon?

the sun rises in the morning
and the moon shines at night
creation still exists
there is nobody to stop the cycle of life
no human
as long as I breathe
I am on my way
my own journey called life