all of my life, i have been waiting for someone

someone to hold me tight

on those rainy nights,

i have waited and no one came,

now  i have decided to leave the game

 

cause it aint no worth

and it aint no fame

i am tired and i feel disgusted

cause i was out there alone

bearing all the shame

 

just then u walked in to my life..

when there was nothing left

and no one left to blame

 

i was empty

i was drenched

i was hollow

that anyone could tell

 

i held on

i held on to what i had left..

cause in me a heart was there

beating at its best.

 

u put a glow

and there shone my face

inspite of all this.

u pictured me perfect.

 

i couldn't have asked for more

but i could have asked for less

but my father up there

couldnt have had me more blest!!

Distance

Abuse of innocence.

Why do humans abuse animals?

What have they done to us other than protecting and defending themselves?

They have a life too

Not given by us

But by the one above.

Why such an outcry amongst the animal trade?

Why are they forced for entertainment purposes? 

This world is theirs too infact more than ours

So many animal lovers

And yet more abusers

Don't these people have any - feelings at all!

How do u treat your partners?

Dragging them by the ears or hang your babies in a clothesline or tie to them  your vehicle and pull them by the rope? 

DO YOU!?!

Could you sleep at night doing all these? 

Is there an answer ?

NO! Because 

All these animals they can do is just whine, yelp, growl and turn away.

Dust.

There is a whirlwind inside of me.

I am trying best, iI am trying out of my way.

a suction so deep

 

honesty- a word become so NON- EXISTENT in my life. no more i believe it, myself

I have lost ME somewhere..

I think its better to not feel anymore, feelings hurt, 

when u feel for someone, it becomes real, all those fairy tales you hear from childhood, starts to take shape in an amazing pattern,

not a knight in shining armour riding on a horse or a girl in a full blown pretty dress.

its just it- no words can compare.

 

my dreams have died inside, the truth has died. i used to dream fearlessly, but now, m scarred..

nothing happened on the journey, but everything tumbled down, just came down like a pack of cards.

why I couldn't dream again? i can- but i chose not to, i don't want to.

I have faltered, just when i thought i stood up on a rock, it also started to crumble- questioning me all the way about my dignity, about my honesty, about me!

 

years of questioning has left me desolate, nowhere to run, even i have left myself.

the impossible looks all the more impossible.

 

I have always settled for the second best, i thought i can make it, but i guess, its not something you read in books for the truth, its something that unfolds..by itself

 

your photo on the wall, doesn't speak to me anymore, maybe I haven't looked at it enough. maybe u left me, when i was with you, while looking in your eyes.

 

you are far away when u r with me, i am alone even with you next to me.

How much do we hesitate

How much do we fear

How much do we hold on

To others existence and fear

Dear God,

Dear father god

Help me remember who I am, keep me grounded in you and in my self.

Keep me humble and make any decision and assumption In life based on my childish thoughts and immaturity.

Let me see the joys in life

And also the not so joy things in life

So that I may learn

And see

What you have presented to me

Help me know that every creation is different from the other

With breath or without breath

No two things or

No two people are the same

When I am sad or when I am depressed

Keep me calm and grounded in ur hand

Let me know that I am going to rise up

From the norm

That I am flying on the wings of an eagle

I am who I am meant to be

The journey long

Cold and tired

I would give up

If it wasn't for u

Christmas fever

I miss Christmas

I miss Christmas in my soul

I miss Christmas in my heart

Wish everyday would be that way

The red and white and green

The warmth of the souls so clean

I miss Christmas

A time of love care and sharing

A time of family

A time of individuality

A time where there is just love in the air

And Christmas treats everywhere

I miss Christmas

Oh god! help me

To love to forgive

To heal myself most of all

Let go of my poison

That I have inside my heart

I am dying each day

My life is so sucked

Like a vacuum

It's getting hard to hold

I want it to be just like Christmas

Just like Jesus is there.

?....

Isn't this life equal to dying, when u r so powerless, when u can't fight for anything u want, when everybody's has fought for their life and are happy, when u stand here waiting for fighting for approval, trying to make ur stand, trying to gain what u have lost,, losing Urself.. It's good to be dead right!?

Maybe this is the meaning of life. All my life I was wondering what life is? And today I understood.

I am really powerless and I am really weak I have lost and i am losing more. I wish everything made sense, but no I don't even want to think more about sense.

It's for the intelligent who have fought a battle and have triumphed. What have I gained? But yes I have lost.. A lot..

 

 

Maybe I have not seen the worst, maybe that's what I am here for. To just be humiliated more.

I tried, I tried, I tried and yes I tried

And here I am writing this to no one.

I can't see anything, I can't make sense of anything, it's so crowded and noisy around me, yet I can't hear and can't feel. It's blank all is quiet within me.

i live inside this world. Where I can see nothing but destruction.. Destruction of mind of thought of love of myself, nothing exists there nothing..

Just a flood of tears and hate of myself

Questioning my existence.

Isn't it better to die?

Then all will be well

All will be quite.

Last day....

who knows when ur last day has come

what r ur last thoughts?

ur last memories?

did u really want to die, and then u realize its just a mistake..

but it is too late now.

 

u hear ur own breathing

u know somebody will spot u soon,

but its gonna be too late.

I should have told them bye

but I was in a hurry to leave

now they wouldn't know a thing

my thoughts

my heart

my mind

 

I was brave

I fought hard

I even made it

but look what happened

look what happened

now they hold the gun against me

saying what I did was not for them

but for myself

 

I lived as dead

but as I die, I live

Its me!

I am staying

I am standing

For me

For u

For what is right

It's scary

I feel it's right

I know it's right

But u know that feeling when u thought it was right, but it wasn't!

Yeah! That's what I feel now

Too long m dragging things

Too long that others have started to interfere

Oh god ! Where r u?

It's me again!

Reminding me of you!

Powerpuff girls, Tom and jerry, and Dexters lab

baskin robbins, coldstone and the cookies from marble slab

the toffee nut latte from starbucks gets you into the christmas mood

and to top it off all the above remind me of you

its nice to feel snuggled by the thoughts of you

the warm feeling even in this uae heat too

i know you dont feel the same way

so, tell me?

have you got a solution for this flu?

when you are out there

in somebody else's arms

far from the worries of the world

it hurts to know that you dont belong to me

but am happy to know

you are where you want to be

but then again

this heart you know

dosent give up so easy

now that aint my fault

and please dont get all queasy

cause thats where the precious ones are stored

after the day in every life is o'er

i'm sure you know the difference between

varitey and charity

i wonder which one was it for me?

yes i tried hard and hard enough to forget you

thats when i came to know

that hand in glove were my heart and mind too..