Friday, December 5, 2014

Pause

It's ok
It's still me
Pause- take a deep breath
As long as u can- inhale
As hard as u can- exhale
Every bit that's bothering, tormenting and nagging you
Open your eyes and see around
Hear the nature 
Listen- 
It's still there
Waiting to be experienced 
Waiting to be acknowledged
And waiting for you to come and loose yourself in their presence.

Live xoxo

Breaking free

Have you ever had to make a decesion alone because you never wanted to share it with anybody or needed their opinion or because you didn't want to hear what they said about your dream. 
Not another excuse? 

Has it been easy or something you always wanted to do?
That sense of freedom, 
that taste of individuality, 
that responsibility, 
that fear, 
that moment.

Scary isn't it!?

But yet so confident.

And you know it's yours for the taking. 

That fleeting moment,
That skipped heartbeat
That nervous smile
That determined mind
 
Which makes the "YOU" unshakeable against them.

Keep dreaming xoxo




Is it over already?!!

It's 5th December today.. Really!? Damn! Where has the days gone, the months? 4 more months to be another year older.
I can't believe I have started to hear people say I'll see u next year instead of saying I'll see you in a month. 
No way! Frazzled honestly. 
But looking at the bright side look how many of us are entering into another new year while many didn't make it. 
Did I do anything different? Did I make memories? Did I brighten someone along the way? Did I learn anything? Am I different person? 
A humble YES! I tried, I failed, I learned, i succeeded and am still on the way.
The road that is not paved is not an easy one, just when u think you have seen and experienced it all. There is another coming along the way! 
But hey! Who's complaining? 
I am living and I am experiencing.

Have a good journey all along xoxo


Thursday, November 6, 2014

What does it take?

what does it take? to fly so high
what does it take to feel safe with someone
to be assured that all is ok.
someone to come home to
waiting body of a warm soul

what does it take for someone to love me
love me without limitations
someone to hold me when I have my bad days
for someone to just be beside me

with whom I can run to when the world is chasing me
yes I have a heart 
a heart that beats
and a heart that breaks
and a heart that breaths too


 

Thursday, August 28, 2014

Dream

today i dreamt about you
a beautiful dream
that just happened
a dream where we both played
played like no ill between us
played like we crossed the boundaries
meeting after long
the way we touched
our skin drenced into eachothers
like the rain filling the dry ground
it felt good
it felt good to have you
not in real
but atleast in my dream
u were much closer
like i breathe
your smile
oh! so beautiful
your eyes
i cant yet find words for it
it was beautiful
the way we laughed out hearts out
it was beautiful the way we were
something thats very rare

xoxo

Thursday, August 14, 2014

Forget- me not


Nostos- algos

“I'd trade all my tomorrows for one single yesterday.” 
― Kris Kristofferson

we are so busy making a life that we forget about moments.

what would I not do- to re-live  a moment in time for that familiar aroma in the air of coming to home cooked food at my grandma's, the smell of roasted spices wafting through the house,
throwing those heavy bags from school, those homework pressures, the arguments, the teachers warning all that left at the door, into her warm embrace just had to do it.

those friends oh good god! Always in the midst of trouble." Mischief" was the middle name of me and my 2 accomplices and to those who would dare to join in and take the blame was "warning.. the minute the bell rings for another period, the class monitor would march to the black board and chalk out our names with an "evil grin" on her face
Everything from misplacing stuff needed for that class to bunking to White lying our way through the class period. 
"Outstanding" was not really in our report cards but we actually gave true meaning to that word.
those assembly times all of us trying to form a line nearer to the one tree we had in our school ground so we could shade ourselves from the sun.
The songs we used to listen that gave me a rush, the first crush, the yearning to grow up, those evening chai and baban's vada pav, 

Looking over the balcony into the horizon dwelling on those long gone moments, becoming moist eyed brings me the greatest comfort - warms the soul.
 
If someone told me to stop growing fast and just live for those moments cause they would never ever come back.. 
I would and I would not be afraid to make a few more crazy ones.

From this moment on.....

Friday, July 18, 2014

Ugly

there it goes again
the ugly monsters of negativity pride ego insecurity showing their ugly head again in all these things
dont know how to behave normal
i am stupidly insane for what i did and what i want
honestly i dont even care what others think about
but y should i ?
why should i ?
really whats this think about being soooo busy that u dont have time to meet
really
whats this ?
is this how it is..
after endless battle thoughts with myself of giving up
i want to give up
i have to give up
i am myself no more
thats ok
BE KIND TO YOURSELF
you are good
you also are trying
not everything is your fault
switching ur mobile off will not change anything
and neither changing it will
so let go and keep going
 
 
dwell but not for too long
its ok
forgive yourself
dont be hard on urself
after all
look at the journey u have made till now
 
i am sorry my love
i am sorry for imposing
you know it happens
when someone waits
for no one
 
 
remember running away
nope
i am not this time.
i am not
 

 

Over again.

Another day another relationship is over
No I did not keep my hopes high
But yes I did place a hope on this one
Knowing to take it slow 
Knowing to to keep it
Forever 
Maybe 
Or for the long run
Again maybe
It's not happened 
Cause I screwed up 
I messed up for speaking my mind
I am actually thinking 
Wait a minute here! 
I am not one of those annoying cry baby girls
I do my head on my shoulders 
Then 
What's lacking?
Maybe I am not that
Maybe I am not this 
What is it?
Questions 
Sorry
Apologies for speaking my mind in a subtle way 
Well I am packing my temporary things which I unpacked to leave 
The story goes on and in again
I can only say that ok" no more
Nothing more
Maybe I truly don't know the meaning of life or people
Maybe I truly don't 

Sunday, June 1, 2014

Left

I have left 
Left all that I could 
Or that I think I have
No time for this play now
Been there, done that 
But still everything plays itself 
Over and over
Like a stuck up disc
That one loves to hear 
But wants to get rid of it anyways

Saturday, April 26, 2014

hey my love,
 
I guess you are going away from me for good
this time- our time has come to part
played well- our parts
acted out, looked out and cared
but now its no longer there
 

I wish u nothing but the best
more than I could even wish for
more than I could ever imagine






the same way you blessed me
the same way you held me
the same way you protected me
everything remains unforgotten






I am too weak to hold
too strong to let go
a battle not won
but a love is lost




-momo-

Friday, April 11, 2014

Missing me

I stand in the midst of a life party
Where there is nothing but noise of laughter and joy
Cheering and shouting
Love and hugs
They make laugh
They make me smile
They make me forget my loneliness 
They make me forget you
It's bliss for a moment 
Just to get lost to empty weightless thoughts
To feel free of the burden 
I close my eyes and point upwards to the sky
Where I stand along the crowd
Waiting 
Wishing for you to hold me 
That hands where I felt safe from the world
That love that made me who I am
Those words whispered 
Which made me alive
I miss me
What i used to be
When I was with u
Was it too hard to hold on just a little more? 
To go away too soon?





Thursday, April 3, 2014

the sun rises in the morning
and the moon shines at night
creation still exists
there is nobody to stop the cycle of life
no human
as long as I breathe
I am on my way
my own journey called life

Sunday, March 30, 2014

all of my life, i have been waiting for someone
someone to hold me tight
on those rainy nights,
i have waited and no one came,
now  i have decided to leave the game
 
cause it aint no worth
and it aint no fame
i am tired and i feel disgusted
cause i was out there alone
bearing all the shame
 
just then u walked in to my life..
when there was nothing left
and no one left to blame
 
i was empty
i was drenched
i was hollow
that anyone could tell
 
i held on
i held on to what i had left..
cause in me a heart was there
beating at its best.
 
u put a glow
and there shone my face
inspite of all this.
u pictured me perfect.
 
i couldn't have asked for more
but i could have asked for less
but my father up there
couldnt have had me more blest!!

Sunday, March 23, 2014

Abuse of innocence.

Why do humans abuse animals?
What have they done to us other than protecting and defending themselves?
They have a life too
Not given by us
But by the one above.
Why such an outcry amongst the animal trade?
Why are they forced for entertainment purposes? 
This world is theirs too infact more than ours
So many animal lovers
And yet more abusers
Don't these people have any - feelings at all!
How do u treat your partners?
Dragging them by the ears or hang your babies in a clothesline or tie to them  your vehicle and pull them by the rope? 
DO YOU!?!
Could you sleep at night doing all these? 

Is there an answer ?

NO! Because 
All these animals they can do is just whine, yelp, growl and turn away.

Saturday, March 22, 2014

Dust.


There is a whirlwind inside of me.
I am trying best, iI am trying out of my way.
a suction so deep
 
honesty- a word become so NON- EXISTENT in my life. no more i believe it, myself
I have lost ME somewhere..
I think its better to not feel anymore, feelings hurt, 
when u feel for someone, it becomes real, all those fairy tales you hear from childhood, starts to take shape in an amazing pattern,
not a knight in shining armour riding on a horse or a girl in a full blown pretty dress.
its just it- no words can compare.
 
my dreams have died inside, the truth has died. i used to dream fearlessly, but now, m scarred..
nothing happened on the journey, but everything tumbled down, just came down like a pack of cards.
why I couldn't dream again? i can- but i chose not to, i don't want to.
I have faltered, just when i thought i stood up on a rock, it also started to crumble- questioning me all the way about my dignity, about my honesty, about me!
 
years of questioning has left me desolate, nowhere to run, even i have left myself.
the impossible looks all the more impossible.
 
I have always settled for the second best, i thought i can make it, but i guess, its not something you read in books for the truth, its something that unfolds..by itself
 
your photo on the wall, doesn't speak to me anymore, maybe I haven't looked at it enough. maybe u left me, when i was with you, while looking in your eyes.
 
you are far away when u r with me, i am alone even with you next to me.
How much do we hesitate
How much do we fear
How much do we hold on
To others existence and fear

Monday, March 17, 2014

Dear God,

Dear father god
Help me remember who I am, keep me grounded in you and in my self.
Keep me humble and make any decision and assumption In life based on my childish thoughts and immaturity.

Let me see the joys in life
And also the not so joy things in life
So that I may learn
And see
What you have presented to me

Help me know that every creation is different from the other
With breath or without breath
No two things or
No two people are the same

When I am sad or when I am depressed
Keep me calm and grounded in ur hand
Let me know that I am going to rise up
From the norm
That I am flying on the wings of an eagle
I am who I am meant to be
The journey long
Cold and tired
I would give up
If it wasn't for u

Christmas fever

I miss Christmas
I miss Christmas in my soul
I miss Christmas in my heart
Wish everyday would be that way
The red and white and green
The warmth of the souls so clean

I miss Christmas
A time of love care and sharing
A time of family
A time of individuality
A time where there is just love in the air
And Christmas treats everywhere

I miss Christmas
Oh god! help me
To love to forgive
To heal myself most of all
Let go of my poison
That I have inside my heart

I am dying each day
My life is so sucked
Like a vacuum
It's getting hard to hold
I want it to be just like Christmas
Just like Jesus is there.

?....

Isn't this life equal to dying, when u r so powerless, when u can't fight for anything u want, when everybody's has fought for their life and are happy, when u stand here waiting for fighting for approval, trying to make ur stand, trying to gain what u have lost,, losing Urself.. It's good to be dead right!?
Maybe this is the meaning of life. All my life I was wondering what life is? And today I understood.
I am really powerless and I am really weak I have lost and i am losing more. I wish everything made sense, but no I don't even want to think more about sense.
It's for the intelligent who have fought a battle and have triumphed. What have I gained? But yes I have lost.. A lot..
 
 
Maybe I have not seen the worst, maybe that's what I am here for. To just be humiliated more.
I tried, I tried, I tried and yes I tried
And here I am writing this to no one.

I can't see anything, I can't make sense of anything, it's so crowded and noisy around me, yet I can't hear and can't feel. It's blank all is quiet within me.
i live inside this world. Where I can see nothing but destruction.. Destruction of mind of thought of love of myself, nothing exists there nothing..
Just a flood of tears and hate of myself
Questioning my existence.
Isn't it better to die?
Then all will be well
All will be quite.

Last day....

who knows when ur last day has come
what r ur last thoughts?
ur last memories?
did u really want to die, and then u realize its just a mistake..
but it is too late now.
 
u hear ur own breathing
u know somebody will spot u soon,
but its gonna be too late.
I should have told them bye
but I was in a hurry to leave
now they wouldn't know a thing
my thoughts
my heart
my mind
 
I was brave
I fought hard
I even made it
but look what happened
look what happened
now they hold the gun against me
saying what I did was not for them
but for myself
 
I lived as dead
but as I die, I live

Its me!

I am staying
I am standing
For me
For u
For what is right
It's scary

I feel it's right
I know it's right
But u know that feeling when u thought it was right, but it wasn't!
Yeah! That's what I feel now

Too long m dragging things
Too long that others have started to interfere
Oh god ! Where r u?
It's me again!

Reminding me of you!

Powerpuff girls, Tom and jerry, and Dexters lab
baskin robbins, coldstone and the cookies from marble slab
the toffee nut latte from starbucks gets you into the christmas mood
and to top it off all the above remind me of you

its nice to feel snuggled by the thoughts of you
the warm feeling even in this uae heat too
i know you dont feel the same way
so, tell me?
have you got a solution for this flu?

when you are out there
in somebody else's arms
far from the worries of the world
it hurts to know that you dont belong to me
but am happy to know
you are where you want to be

but then again
this heart you know
dosent give up so easy
now that aint my fault
and please dont get all queasy
cause thats where the precious ones are stored
after the day in every life is o'er

i'm sure you know the difference between
varitey and charity
i wonder which one was it for me?
yes i tried hard and hard enough to forget you
thats when i came to know
that hand in glove were my heart and mind too..