ME.

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There is confusion inside me on whats happening outside me. its like a tricky play that the audience is kept guessing until the end, many get it halfway and some don't. that "some" person would be me. no matter all these years i have lived ups and downs, i thought i know it all, but there is something thats even more quizzical that comes along.

i have always concluded and spoken to people that my life is a drama. no matter how much i am away from it, its still there, catching up at every turn and meeting me with anticipation.

i even joked once and many times its better i go and give my story to some good producers atlas there will a motion series made for me to sit and look back at my own life. just played by someone else. i think its going to be hilarious, i mean after repeatedly inviting myself to unneeded situations, i still don't learn.

why are we surrounded by friends that have got everything going for them so beautifully? and yet our life so different 'alienated'? 

questions are too many to even ask, cause it all leads up to the same thing over and over- why me? or why not me? either way i keep making a fool of myself. questioning and unquestioning me over and over again.

i have begun to doubt my sanity. all these years no matter what kinda shit i have been through, i never doubted myself even for a second. but recently its like my existence? what is that? is it even legal for me to think like that or exist for that matter? seriously? 

everyday its like a juggle and struggle - that must say it. 

many days half written stories are left uncompleted on the paper, the book is closed and i don't look at it again. and when i do i tear the page and toss it